SPAM-O-RAMA:
By: ShadowWing
Disclaimer: Oracle is DC’s the Listserve mentioned is my creation, (As far as I know there is no such list though I could be wrong here…) though it could be based on certain aspects of real ones (sly snickers). The surprise guest at the end belongs to Marvel, no I’m not listing the identity here, and it’ll take all the fun out of it…
“You have mail!” Chirped the annoying, yet perky, voice through the computer speakers.
“That’s it.” Muttered Barbara Gordon, “I’m gonna hack into this e-mail system and change that voice clip, maybe I can have Alfred help me with a replacement clip.” As one part of Barbara’s mind contemplated the fiendish possibilities the rest of her mind focused on her mail, all several hundred messages of it…
Green eyes behind glasses grew wide in shock and amazement. She stopped, took off her glasses, wiped them clean rubbed her eyes and put them back on. Then she looked at the screen again.
YOU HAVE 320 NEW MESSAGES
Yep she was not seeing things; she had THAT much mail. “I checked the account last night, NO WAY I could have that much mail, a hundred maybe but three hundred and twenty messages!?” She began to scroll the screen down to view the subject matter, only about 20 of the messages were ads for various things and they promptly went into the trash bin. As for the other 300 about two thirds of them had the same subject matter and were written by the same author. Barbara’s eyes narrowed, it was the one thing that all net junkies around the world hated…
Spam.
And she’d been hit, okay she and about 60 other members of the “We Really Do Need to Get a Life” Joke list had been hit. The list was mostly composed of various net junkies who created and swapped various tech-related stories some downright scary others so damn funny and all were true. The list had a good giggle over Barbara’s tale of Wonder Woman and Aquaman’s struggles with Curtains 98, names changed to protect certain identities. Well this Spammer had picked the WRONG list to hit, if her calculations were right about half the members were programmers and hackers. She sighed and opened the first message.
“Might as well see what started this mess…” The message loaded, and Barbara read it. Her jaw hit the floor.
She sat back for a second, and leaned forward to re-read the message. No change, she leaned back again and wheeled her chair to the kitchen sink, took off her glasses, washed them, dried them put them back on and went back to the computer and read the message again. Yep she had read it right.
“Oh that is disgusting!” Winced Barbara, “Who wrote this stuff?” Her pointer went straight to the ‘Delete’ button faster than Wally West on a double expresso.
As expected the next message was from another list member calmly reminding the writer of that particular note that there were certain themes that were not allowed on this list and to please refrain from such postings in the future. Barbara scowled; if she had seen her inbox correctly the writer DIDN’T listen and was busy getting revenge.
The next twenty messages were one to two line insults aimed at the poor soul who reminded all of the rules, the next five were from other members asking for the spam to stop, that was followed by twenty more one to two line notes. Barbara sighed and began to start up a program that would track the spammer back through his e-mail adddress and straight to his ISP address.
The next thirty messages were calls to have this person removed from the list.
Then the after ten more notes, the List Mom sent a note stating she was trying to get him un-subscribed from the list but for some reason it was not working.
Then twenty notes gloating over how he was foiling the system.
Barbara deleted the remaining messages; she was too disgusted to read them anymore. “Okay whoever you are…nobody spams my list and gets away with it.” Now in full Oracle mode she went on hacking through encrypted files to find out exactly where this spammer was hiding. The common opinion among the list members was the 7th Level of Hell…
Two hours and about thirty “You have new mail!” chirps later…
Oracle stared at the screen, a fiendish grin on her face, after two hours she finally had a positive ID on who was behind the spam, she cackled with glee as she sent in the commands that would send a nasty little message to the spammer. Then she sat back took a few breaths and send a private e-mail to the List Mom saying that the problem was taken care of.
Elsewhere…
A dark shadow clicked on a keyboard with long fingernails while softly chuckling. He stopped chuckling when his monitor blew up. Closely followed by his hard drive. The furred and now slightly singed hands jerked away. He had detected the hacker’s presence but had no clue that this person was so close. He sighed and picked up a clipboard with about a ream of paper clamped to it, the top sheet was marked, “PEOPLE TO AVOID ONLINE”
The Dark Beast growled slightly and added ‘ROLLINGTHUNDER’ to the list, he then got up to get himself a new computer again while muttering, “I have got to learn not to show off online…”
The End!