THE BEANIE WARS:
By: ShadowWing
Standard Disclaimer- ShadowWing/Belle Anderson belongs to me, Spirit Wolf/Shadow Travis belongs to Val Gilliam. Beanie Babies belong to Ty Inc. (BTW all the Beanie names are real, I looked them up...), Disney Beanies belong to Disney Co., and all other characters belong to DC.
JLA Archive Files-
Entered by: ShadowWing
Member
Status- Reserves
I mean there it was, Early the robin, one of those Beanie Baby things. I can't stand them. Miranda on the other hand loves the things to death, collects the things, I have given up on keeping track on how many she's got. So when we decided to go shopping, of course we stopped at a store that sold the darn things. While Miranda was haggling (yes I said Haggling) over some green bear named Erin, I noticed the robin.
The little cheerful hang tag stated that it's name was Early (gag...), as I looked at it an evil thought entered my mind. Dick's reaction to such a thing, after all he used to be Robin. I was at the counter in less than minute buying it. Back at home I carefully packaged the robin, left off the return address and made my way to Bludhaven to mail it to Dick's apartment.
Two days later, I heard about the reaction through Oracle. "I can't believe it." she stated to me.
"What?" I asked.
"Somebody gave Winger a Beanie Baby." she chuckled, "He accused me, I only wish I did, his face was priceless. It was a little robin."
"Really?" I stated, somehow I was keeping a straight face. "So who did it?"
"Beats me," she replied, "but whoever did it is gonna get it."
As to what happened next, I can only tell second hand following the investigation I did. Investigation? For a better explanation, read on....
After staring at Early the robin for several hours he had determined that Oracle had sent him the thing. Though the prank was more my style, he knew my hatred for the things and eliminated me from the suspect list. Little did he know what would follow. So he decided to get back at Oracle in a more roundabout way, he found what was called a Silly Slammer. It was a bean bag shaped like a computer and stated several annoying phrases when to threw it at a wall or other hard surface. He had it sent to Black Canary.
The theory was that Canary, being a huge technophobe, would accuse Oracle of sending the thing. Well that backfired....
Canary fumed at the Slammer for a day before centering her wrath on Arsenal. She believed that the red-headed archer was behind this prank. She went out and purchased a Talking Mushu from a Disney Store. Knowing his daughter's love for the movie "Mulan", she figured that the noise from the dragon would be suitable revenge.
She was right. Arsenal was being driven nuts by his daughter eagerly hitting the small dragon beanie toy and the toy speaking out on command. His muddled brain decided that Donna had sent the 'gift'. So leaving Lian with a sitter he headed out and made his purchase and sent it to Donna.
Donna stared at the purple Princess bear. This was a joke, she figured that much, but who had played it? A prank like this reeked of Spirit Wolf, so Donna picked a suitable revenge.
Down in Austin, Spirit got two matching Nanook the Husky Beanies. The closest things to wolves I guess. Spirit fumed, gave me an earful and blamed Oracle, remember I had no idea that this started from my prank on Nightwing. Of course she had an great comeback. Don't ask me where she found it, but she got a Nightwing beanie and sent it to Oracle.
Though Oracle thought the thing was soooo cute, and a great match to her Batgirl beanie, she wondered who sent it. For some strange reason she thought Martian Manhunter had sent it. So she sent to Zon Zor, get this, a Flubber beanie from Disney. You know those little green globs?
Good old M&M scanned the entire JLA for the culprit. No dice, he can't scan Oracle over a computer line so she was off the hook. The only person who he couldn't scan and would play a prank on him was yours truly.
Now this thing is back to me. I was bewildered by the black cat named Zip that landed on my doorstep. So I immediately accused Spirit, and sent one heck of a revenge beanie.
Now if you thought the reaction to Nanook was strong, you should have heard the result of the Pocahontas beanie, from Disney no less, that was found on her desk at work. I made sure to be on a case for the rest of the week.
Spirit's wrath finally descended on Batman, he does have a sense of humor, honest! Okay it's a really bad sense, but it's there none the less. Batty the brown bat landed at Wayne Manor's door a few days later.
Batman pondered the little fuzzy thing for a bit, and decided this was Green Lantern's idea of getting him to lighten up, and then decided to join the game. He asked Alfred to fins a suitable Beanie Baby for Kyle and the bright green bear named Erin landed on Kyle's New York apartment door.
Both Kyle and Jade were scratching their heads over this one. Kyle finally decided that Wally West, the Flash, had played the joke. So he and Jade trotted to the same store where I bought that fateful Early the robin, and purchased a, get this, Rocket the blue jay for the fastest man alive.
Wally pondered, figured Arsenal was behind this and sent a revenge in about two minutes.
By this point, Lian and finally used up the 2000 hits that the Mushu toy was good for. Just in time for the Giggling Flubber, also from Disney, to arrive. Superman could hear the scream.
A day later a weary Arsenal appeared at my front door. When it comes to investigating pranks, I'm the best. He showed me both Beanies and asked for help. The hunt began.
We traced the Giggling Flubber to Flash, he showed us Rocket the blue jay.
Rocket led to Green Lantern, he showed us Erin the St. Patrick's Day Bear.
Erin led to Gotham, and Batty the brown bat pointed to Spirit Wolf.
Spirit tossed Pocahontas at us and slammed to door. I whimpered at Arsenal's glare, and tracked Zip the cat to Zon Zor.
M&M showed us Flubber and we figured out that Oracle was behind this one.
Oracle showed off Nightwing (I still want one...) and he pointed back to Austin.
Spirit had finally calmed down and was laughing like a manic at this, the set of Nanooks pointed to Donna.
Donna showed us Princess, and it was Arsenal's turn to whimper as the trail turned to him.
He pleaded insanity and showed me Mushu. Mushu led to Black Canary who slammed the Computer Silly Slammer on the table. It tracked to Bludhaven.
I passed out at this point.
When I finally explained the whole thing to all the victims I thought the room was going to explode with laughter. Superman decided to put this one in the JLA archives, and what did he call the file?
The Beanie Wars.
*Sigh...* Needless to say I have never looked at one since!
ShadowWing