PAGING DR. ARKHAM:
By: ShadowWing
Disclaimer: Arkham Asylum, and the Joker belong to D.C. The Arkham Asylum application belongs to the Wizard: Batman Special. Spirit Wolf belongs to my pal Val Gilliam, and ShadowWing belong to me.
The receptionist looked up from her magazine at the maniacal laughter drifting through the Asylum's main entrance. Most people would have done a double take at the source of the laughter, but then most people didn't work the admittance desk of Arkham Asylum either.
The trio in front of the bullet-proof, shatter-proof glass that surrounded the desk was odd to say least consisting of one man with bright green hair and a equally bright purple suit that looked well, chewed on to say the least and a bright red grin from ear to ear almost splitting his stark white face. The other two were women, one dressed as a Native American Warrior whose fringed leather costume also bore chew marks, and the other was dressed in black and silver spandex, currently her costume was covered by splotches of purple, pink, and green paint, neither woman was smiling. In fact both looked distinctly peeved.
"Is my suite ready?" asked the man before going off into another round of laughter.
"Shut-up Clown or I'll let the wolves have another go at ya!" hissed the Native American, also known as Spirit Wolf to her friends and enemies alike.
The second woman known as ShadowWing sighed, "Calm down both of you. Let's just get him re-committed and get out of here before you-know-who breathes down our necks." she then turned to the receptionist "Where do you want him?" At the words 'you-know-who' the man made a shadow puppet of a bat. Spirit groaned
"I'll have a couple of attendants take him off your hands, but first" the receptionist reached for a clipboard and pen, "I'll need you to answer a few questions."
All three groaned.
"All right," grumbled ShadowWing "What's the first question?"
"Alias of the patient?" she asked.
The two women looked at the man, and looked at the receptionist in disbelief. Spirit spoke, "Do you have to ask!!??"
"Sorry," she replied "Rules say I gotta."
"Joker." replied the man in question, "But it's Mr. Joker to you." with a pointed glare at Spirit Wolf.
"Right" murmured the receptionist, marking it on the clipboard. "Real Name?"
The Joker started to open his mouth but ShadowWing spoke first, "Unknown. Next?"
"Age?"
"Also unknown." muttered Spirit "Must be nice." the Joker gave her a raspberry.
"Sex?"
At that moment the Joker's trick pants kicked in causing his trousers to hit the floor. "Male." answered both women.
"Eye color? Quantity?"
"Ew." winced ShadowWing
"Sick Green and only two." replied Spirit "Who wrote this thing?"
The Joker whistled off key.
The receptionist plunged on "What is the patient under suspicion of? Killing People? Injuring People? Kidnapping People? Stole money? Built a giant blimp shaped like an eggplant and attacked the city with exploding dog toys filled with shrinking gas as a diversion while his henchmen dressed like fish and broke into Gotham Bank looking for the Eye of Neptune Emeralds?"
Spirit Wolf and ShadowWing stared at the receptionist as if she needed to be committed. The Joker piped up "All of the above."
The receptionist continued "Is this a repeat offense?"
The Joker answered "Yes." the two women then stared at the Joker.
"Name the patient's blood type, A, B, AB, O, Plant sap, Antifreeze, Venom, Patient is made of mud?" she looked up for the answer.
ShadowWing stared at the Joker for a few moments and replied "AB."
The Joker was shocked, "How'd you know that ?"
Without blinking she replied "Don't ask."
The receptionist was just starting to lose her cool, but continued "In case of death, who is next of kin?" she dreaded the answer to this one.
"He has no family that we know of." grumbled Spirit Wolf, "And if he did, do ya think they'd claim him?"
"No." replied the receptionist, and went ahead to the next question "Is he an organ donor?"
Both women replied loudly "No!"
She bravely went on, the Joker was impressed, most receptionists would have cracked by now. "What are the special needs of the patient? Extreme temperatures? Steel Reinforced Cell? Straightjacket and Muffler? Can never have access to calendars, crowbars, eggs, fish, hats, knives, plants, togas, umbrellas, or babies?"
"All but the first one." replied ShadowWing "Are we almost done here?"
"Drat." complained the Joker, "And I was looking forward to scrambled eggs for breakfast."
"I'll scramble you eggs laughing-boy!" Spirit growled.
"Next question?" squeaked ShadowWing before blood was spilled.
The receptionist nodded and continued "What should not be said around patient?" she then looked at the Joker. On cue Spirit took out a pair of ear plugs from her hip pouch and stuck them in his ears. The receptionist looked relieved and continued "Parents, recent crimes, appearance, the number two, anything about Batman or bats, success of the Spice Girls..."
"Don't mention that around me!" snapped Spirit.
The receptionist continued "...Joel Schumacher.."
"Who's that?" questioned ShadowWing
"Or is it best not to say anything around the patient?" she finished the question with relief.
"The last one, defiantly the last one." both women replied in synch.
"Describe how the patient may escape?" she finished the form with relief, "This one's optional."
"Just look at his record." grumbled ShadowWing "Are we through?"
"Yes." she replied. As if on cue two large men in white coats came in and carried the Joker away. As he left the room he called out."
"Lovely time ladies! Must do it again sometime!" he went off into another peel of laughter that echoed off the walls long after the Joker left the room.
The receptionist sighed "Just sign here." pushing the clipboard out a little door in the glass. After the two women signed they made for the door.
"I'm glad that's over with." grumbled Spirit.
"Defiantly." replied ShadowWing "We won't have to worry about that manic for a while."
After the door shut behind them the receptionist took a small picture of the Joker out and set it on the desk "Don't worry puddin'" she crooned at the picture "You'll be outta here soon enough."
The End?????